Consent Under The Influence
Disclaimer: This post is for educational purposes only, Shrimp Teeth LLC does not endorse or assume liability for the consumption or sale of any controlled substances.
I’m a big believer in harm-reduction education. Meaning, it is not my job to tell adults what to do, nor am I diluted enough to believe people DON’T do drugs. I believe adults hold responsibility for their actions, including what they choose to consume. I also know that there are many, many, many instances of sexual violence that are perpetuated while people are under the influence, especially on college campuses. As a sex educator, it’s my job to provide accurate information about consent practices, including how to maintain consent while under the influence. My aim is to provide as many safety tips to ensure people can engage in sexual acts with appropriate risk-awareness.
Why do people want to fuck under the influence?
Simple answer, it’s fun. Altering your perception can decrease inhibition, intensify sensation, or allow you to have a deeper mind-body connection. There are so many types of substances to explore, they all have different benefits and draw-backs when it comes to having sex. No matter the appeal, as more people dabble with mixing sex & weed, using psychedelics, and pharmaceuticals for recreational use, it’s important to understand how to establish responsible practices. Just like you wouldn’t drink and drive, you need good safety protocols for sex and drugs.
A good first step is identifying your own motivation for mixing substances and sex. Once you’ve understood what is driving your exploration, you can better determine which drug to take and create a plan/scene for the sexual experience you crave.
Different substances, different risk
Depending on what substance you’re consuming, you will be assuming different levels of risk. Obviously, most Schedule I drugs have much higher risks both physically and legally. If you’ve never mixed substances and sex, its clearly not a good idea to start your journey with opiates. Side note, while cannabis is legal at the state-level in many places (including Oregon, where I’m writing this), it’s still federally classified as a Schedule I drug under the Controlled Substances Act due to it’s racist history. But cannabis is generally considered one of the safer drugs, since it doesn’t have overdose risk. Mixing weed and sex can be a safe and mostly legal way to explore. While alcohol tends to be the most popular substance, it can leave you considerably impaired if you consume too much, it has overdose risks, and it can make it harder to sustain erections (if that matters to you).
Drugs that leave you incapacitated and are not a great option, you can’t have sex if you can’t move or fall asleep. Other substances elevate your experience. Understanding what you’re consuming is crucial for having safer practices. People react differently to drugs, so self-awareness is key. Regardless of what you choose, you need to be familiar with how a drug will impact you, in what quantity, for how long before you try to engage in intimacy with others.
Masturbation is a fabulous place to start the sexual exploration part. Solo sex allows you to play around with different sensations and see how substances alter your experience without the pressure of communicating to your partners. If something doesn’t feel good, you can immediately stop or change what you’re doing. Obviously, depending on what you’re taking, it’s not always a good idea to consume substances alone, so make sure you have a safety plan if there is any chance of overdose. Mutual masturbation can be an option if you need a buddy present!
Consent is different under the influence
Consent can be tricky to navigate even when we’re sober. Anything that requires clear communication will inevitably lead to misunderstandings from time to time. When you’re under the influence, that risk increases exponentially as your cognitive abilities alter. That’s why in the moment explicit verbal consent (EVC) just doesn’t cut it. You cannot make a consensual decision when you’re already in a mind-altered state. That’s why it’s necessary to follow a three layered consent plan:
Sober scene negotiation
Trigger Plan & Risk Assessment
Explicit Verbal Consent check-in while under the influence
Let’s look at each of these steps in more detail.
Sober Scene Negotiation
The most important (and most often overlooked) part of consent under the influence is a sober scene negotiation. This happens when all parties are sober and is intended to outline what will and won’t happen during your intimate interaction. Here’s what to go over:
Who, when, where
The bulk of your discussion will be about logistics. You want to establish before hand who will be present, and make sure all parties are involved in your sober scene negotiations. Who, can also designate a sober third-party, especially if you’re using substances with high risks of overdose. The sober third-party doesn’t necessarily need to be present but should be available on-call if applicable. When, should detail the time and date as well as for how long and how people will be getting home if that is relevant. Where, will outline a location. This can be important information for your sober third-party so they can be aware of these plans and be free to come to your assistance at your location if things go wrong.
What - substances & sex acts
You need to go over what substances each person will be taking and in what amount. You should not take more than what you establish, although you can always take less. Your partner is consenting to you taking a certain amount of drugs and exceeding the agreed upon limit is considered a violation.
You also need to establish what sex acts you want to participate in. Again, it’s better to create a clear yes, maybe, no list than trying to do this on the spot. If you agree to oral sex but not penetrative sex, you should not have penetrative sex under the influence even if you want to. It’s important to respect the agreements and boundaries that you set while sober, there’s a reason why they were established. Your impulses under the influence don’t override your sober decision making. Remember, there’s always a next time! Stick to what is outlined during your sober scene negotiation.
STI status & safer sex practices
You must discuss safer sex practices while sober. You and your pals cannot give informed consent if y’all don’t disclose relevant information. It’s important to go over when you were last tested, for what, and your status. It’s also necessary to decide which barriers you will be using as well as birth control if pregnancy is a possibility. Make sure you have all appropriate barriers before you consume substances, there’s a chance you’ll forget if they are not easily accessible, and that violates the agreements you made with your pals!
Trigger Plan & Risk Assessment
Your trigger plan essentially outlines what your sexual limits are, what cues your partner should look for if you’re triggered or not having a good time, and what you need in case you don’t feel well.
Additionally, you’ll need to go over a drug trigger plan. You’ll need to make a plan with your pal about how to deal with a potential overdose, who will be sober enough to assist in an emergency, and any relevant information they would need to know in a crisis situation. Even for cannabis, which doesn’t have an overdose risk, it’s important to go over this information. People can get too high and it’s good to discuss what happens in that event (drink water, take some CBD, try to sleep).
Lastly, if the sexual activities you choose have higher risks, such as any pain play, it’s crucial to fully discuss safety protocols and emergency management.
EVC Check-Ins
Just because you have an air-tight scene negotiated and solid trigger plan doesn’t mean everything will go smoothly under the influence. Sometimes you realize you’re too high for fun. Or you just want to cuddle and watch Netflix instead. That’s totally fine. Agreeing to a scene doesn’t mean you HAVE to go through with it in the moment. Remember, consent is ALWAYS reversible. No questions asked. You can change your mind, your pals can change their minds. Even if you’re not 100% sure, it’s a good idea to put off your scene to another day. Remember, there will always be a next time. If you’re not feeling it, do something else.
If you do decide to start your scene, it’s important to continue having explicit verbal consent check-ins throughout the interaction. Normally, we mix non-verbal consent cues, but when our perceptions are altered, it can be difficult to pick up on subtle nuanced signals. So keep asking each other directly ‘either-or’ consent question. They sound like “do you want to keep going or should we stop?” “do you want me to go faster or slower?” “do you want oral or penetration?”, etc. Open ended questions like, “what do you want?” can be stressful in the moment especially when you’re under the influence. Either-or consent questions encourage honest and open communication.
Lastly, I recommend taking lots of water breaks. Between sexual acts, keep some water glasses around, re-hydrate (no one likes cotton cunt) and take a moment to check-in with each other. Remember, the goal of using substances isn’t to be too fucked up to communicate. If you’re unable to answer questions coherently its a sign to stop, and same goes for your partners.
Watch-Out!!
Strangers
While it might be fun to go to a bar, get drunk, and hookup with a stranger, it’s important to understand you’re assuming greater risk. It’s really difficult to accurately assess risks when you’re unfamiliar with someone. Further, strangers are unaware of your sexual preferences and boundaries which can make it more difficult for them to understand what you’re looking for. In the event that your interaction does go south, it can be harder to get away if you’re in an unfamiliar place with an unfamiliar person. It can also be harder to mitigate conflict resolution or sexual violence intervention if you don’t know how the person is.
Instead Try: a partner or friend that you trust. It’s nice to have these experiences with someone you know respects and cares about you. You’ll have a better time if you feel relaxed and safe.
Blanket consent
Blanket consent refers to “you can do anything to me” agreements. While these can be part of certain kink practices, it’s not a good idea to give blanket consent when negotiating a scene that involves substance use. When sober, you can clearly revoke consent if your partner does something you don’t enjoy even if you’ve given blanket consent. Again, this form of communication can be trickier to negotiate under the influence.
Instead Try: make an explicit yes/maybe/no list together. Outline exactly what you do and don’t like as well as your hard limits. If you enjoy spontaneity, ask your pal to choose things from your yes list without telling you!
BDSM & risky sexual acts
Substances can alter your experience of pain and can lead to injury. If you’re engaging in any pain play, make sure you’re doing so with someone who is extremely familiar with your tolerance and limits. Never exceed your limits while under the influence! Similarly, certain practices, such as bondage require lucid skills and the ability to quickly respond to potential emergencies. It is not appropriate to engage in high-risk activities under the influence. You cannot for example execute safe suspensions while under the influence. You and your partners are responsible for each others safety, if you cannot maintain mental clarity, do something else.
Instead try: role play or kink practices with low risk. You can create exciting sexual experiences that don’t put each other in danger.
Overdose
Nothing is less sexy than ending up in the hospital or covered in vomit. Again, I am not advocating for the purchase of controlled substances, but please please please be safe. Understand what you are taking and make sure you’re familiar with dosage. Have someone who has consented to helping you in an emergency situation if you do need assistance. Again, I’m not here to chastise you for your drug of choice, but you do have to assume the risk for what you consume.
Instead try: substances with minimal risk! Infused lubes are a great option if you want a non-psychoactive option, as are CBD products. THC carries very low risk for the majority of users.
Legality
What might be even less sexy than ending up in the hospital is facing drug related legal charges. I’m repeating myself, just know what you’re getting yourself into and make sure you have an appropriate contingency plan!
It’s also worth noting that it is a crime to give someone drugs without their consent. Rohypnol and other date rape drugs are not ethical choices. Everyone needs to be conscious to consent. Everyone needs to decide for themselves how much they are consuming and what exactly they are taking. Anything that deviates from deliberate drug consumption is considered rape.
Instead try: something legal! That’s it. Stay safe, stay freaky.