Bodies & Anatomy

• Vulva vs. Vagina: People often get these two confused (that’s ok that’s why we’re here!) The vulva is the outside part of the genitals that includes the clitoris, labia, urethral opening, and also the vaginal opening! The vagina only refers to the canal that opens in the vulva and connects to the uterus and cervix. The vagina is where menstrual blood and babies pass to leave the body. This is also where a penis, fingers, toys, perhaps a zucchini (read how to do it safely before you try)) is inserted when people refer to penetrative sex.
• Labia majora / minora: Labia are the flaps of skin or "lips" on the vulva. The labia majora is located on the outside and covered in pubic hair. Inside is the labia minora which surrounds the vaginal opening. Labia come in all shapes (often asymmetrical), sizes (some big, some small, all awesome), colors (from light pink to dark brown) and are unique to each vulva. Go look at The Vulva Gallery to see all the amazing differences! Remember that there isn’t one definition of “normal” and all vulva are beautiful
• Clitoris: is the little (or big) knob located at the top of the labia. The tips is covered by the clitoral hood. The clit is the most sensitive part of the human body. It’s purpose is to make you feel good. And yes, clits do get boners. You will notice that the clitoris will swell when you are aroused.
• Vaginal Lubrication / Wet: When a vulva-owner is physically aroused the vagina produces a lubricant to prepare for intercourse. Sometimes this is occurs without arousal as the vagina naturally discharges. Using lubricants can be an alternative for vulva’s that enjoy some extra slipperiness. Remember that penises also get wet before intercourse; we refer to that as "pre-ejaculate"
• Menstruation / Periods: the monthly discharge of blood, fluids and tissue from the vagina. Menstruation begins during puberty and will end during menopause. We'll definitely talk more about periods, don't worry if you have questions! Remember that men and GNC folks with vaginas also menstruate not only women.
• Penis: The penis is composed of three major parts: the glans (or the head of the penis), the shaft (the tube part that grows when you have an erection), and the foreskin (the flesh that covers the head and is sometimes surgically removed). Penises vary in shape, size, curve, and and sensitivity. No matter what your penis looks like it is unique to you and that’s awesome!
• Testicles: Are the two glands contained in the scrotum (they hang behind the penis) and produce sperm. They are very sensitive and can be incorporated into sexual acts.
• Semen vs. Sperm: Semen refers to the ejaculatory fluids of the penis. While the sperm refers to the reproductive cells that swim in the semen. Sperm is produced in the testicles and semen in the seminal vesicle.
• Erection / Boner: when the penis becomes enlarged and “hard" as blood flow increases. Less often talked about (though arguably more important 😂) the clitoris also gets an erection when it is aroused.
• Erectile Dysfunction: when the penis cannot get or remain hard. This can be caused my numerous factors including, lack of arousal, physical (check with your doctor), psychological (sometimes you might not be in the right head space but it’s ok), drugs/alcohol, prescription medicine, and more. If this is a persistent problem you should talk to a doctor.
• Circumcised / Intact vs. Uncut or Uncircumcised: circumcision refers to the surgical removal of the foreskin on the penis. Using the word intact instead of uncut or uncircumcised is more accurate since circumcision is not the default state of the penis. The word intact also helps to combat stigma that occurs in parts of the world (like the US) where circumcision is more common.
• Intersex: a term that describes folks who have reproductive and/or sexual anatomy that falls outside of the assumed male/female binary. The term “intersex” refers to variations of genital configuration, chromosome, and reproductive organs. Certain folks use intersex as a gender identity too, while others identify as men/women/non-binary/etc.

Sexxx Acts

• Sex vs. Penetration (Vaginal / Anal): Sex refers to all the acts that bring you sexual satisfaction. Penetration is when a penis, finger, toy, object is inserted either into the vagina or the anus. Sex can (and often does) include penetration but is not limited to that.
• P-in-V Sex: refers to penis-in-vaginal sex. I use this to combat stigma that other forms of sex acts don’t count as “real” sex (they do!) P-in-V sex is just one method of getting off.
• Foreplay: sensual acts that turn you on and get you aroused for sex. This can include kissing, touching, licking, sucking, rubbing, whatever feels good! This is an important part of having sex because it can give you time to establish consent, take off pressure for you to be immediately hard and wet, and reduce pain.
• Oral Sex (Cunnilingus / Fellatio / Rimming): using your mouth to suck, lick, and stimulate your pal’s genitals. Cunnilingus refers to giving oral sex to someone who has a vulva. Fellatio refers to giving oral sex to someone with a penis. Rimming is using your mouth to stimulate the anus.
• Fingering / Hand-job: when you use your fingers or hands to stimulate someone’s genitals.
• Orgasm: the climax of pleasure experienced in your genitals during sexual activity. I know, I know! That doesn’t really capture the feeling. I’ll be asking all of you to describe how orgasms feel in a little bit. If you haven’t reached orgasm yet, don’t worry about it, we’ll get there together.
• Cum / Ejaculating: refers to the ejaculate fluid, but is also used to say you’re about to have an orgasm. As in, “I’m going to cum”
• Squirting / Female Ejaculation: when the Skene gland is stimulated and releases ejaculatory fluid out of the urethra (your pee hole). This is not pee! Don’t worry, it’s normal. Some vulva-owners squirt more easily than others. This is not necessary to reach orgasm.
• Pegging: is when a womxn uses a strap-on dildo to perform anal sex on a man. I bet the only reason most of you know that is Broad City!
• Kink & Fetishes: any sexual practice that falls outside of the “norm” can be considered a sexual kink (although sexologists would tell you there are certain conditions that need to be met, we'll talk about this!). When the sexual practice becomes central to your arousal cycle it is considered a fetish. These topics are very interesting because as we’re learning the spectrum of what “normal” sexual desire is vast and expansive. For example, feet have long been considered to be kinks or fetish but research finds that it is extremely common to be aroused by feet!
• BDSM: stands for Bondage, Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadomasochism. It encompasses a wide range of erotic play and interpersonal dynamics that fall outside of the “norm” (although as you will pretty soon realize what is normal is pretty broad!)
• Arousal vs. Desire: arousal refers to the physical mechanisms of being turned on (having an erection, being wet, etc.) while desire corresponds to the emotional and psychological components of being turned on or wanting sex. These can happen independently or (ideally) together.
• Arousal Nonconcordance: is when you're physical arousal and psychological desire don't match. Watch this excellent TED Talk from Emily Nagoski to learn more!
• Lube or Lubrication: is a product that you use to increase slipperiness when having sex. Lube can be composed of a variety of materials and be used for many different sex acts including masturbation, penetration, hand jobs, etc. Certain lubes contain spermicides which can act as a form of birth control.

Safer Sex

• Consent: is the informed decision and mutual desire to participate in a given sexual activity. Consent is the foundation for all sex acts. Without consent any time of sex act is sexual violence period. This is something that must always be taken seriously.
• Risk-Aware Consensual Kink (RACK): a term used in the BDSM community that permits potentially risky sexual activities as long as they are performed in a consensual manner. The philosophy holds that the participants are informed of the risk involved in the kinky sex act and all parities agree to continue. It is extremely important to set these sorts of boundaries when engaging in alternative sex to ensure everyone’s safety.
• Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC): a foundational principle in BDSM. It stipulates that all participants are aware of what they're doing, performing it in a safe manner, and agree to be participating. SSC is especially important when engaging in potentially risky alternative forms of sex but are great principles to inform any type of sexual activity.
• Birth Control: any method of preventing pregnancy. This includes condoms, vaginal condoms, pills, patches, injections, shots, IUDs, vasectomies, etc.
• Abortions: a method of terminating a pregnancy. There are many different ways you can get an abortion Planned Parenthood has some excellent resources to learn more
• Pro-Choice vs. Pro-Abortion: being pro-choice means that you support women’s rights to family planning and deciding IF and WHEN she want’s to become pregnant. This includes the right to choose to abort her baby. Being pro-choice does not automatically mean that a woman should choose to have an abortion, but rather that women should have bodily autonomy. Abortions are expensive, physically and emotionally difficult to go through, and are usually a last resort! There are many many reasons why people choose to get abortions (sometimes even if they want to have the baby!) No one should be shamed or prevented from getting the care they need. The idea that being pro-choice makes you a "baby killer" is horrible porpaganda used to shame women.
• Late Term Abortion: is a propaganda term made mainstream in the Trump era. It is meant to imply that women who choose to have abortions are killing fully-formed babies that could live outside of the womb. This is 100% false. Only about 2% of abortions occur past 21 weeks and are almost entirely done when a woman needs to terminate her pregancy for medical reasons or because the baby is stillborn. Passing legislation to prevent "late term abortions" puts women at greater risk during pregnancy.
• STI vs. STD: STI stands for sexually transmitted infection and is generally preferred to STD which stands for sexually transmitted disease in an attempt to combat stigmatization. STIs are usually contracted through sexual activity and can be prevented by using condoms, dental dams, latex gloves etc.
• Disclosure: refers to disclosing your STI status to your partner. If you are sexually active you need to be getting tested for STIs regularly to stay healthy. It's important to disclose your STI status to your new pals so they can make an informed decision (including which form of contraception is used) about having sex. Non-disclosure or false disclosure is sexual violence.

Sexual Violence

• Triggers: when you experience a traumatic event, there are certain parts of the event (or stimulus) that remain scarred in your brain. When you come across that same stimulus later, it can bring back the memory of trauma. Some memories are so bad that even the smallest recall can cause you to relive all the hurt. It’s important to be mindful when you’re communicating about certain topics that are difficult. I use trigger warnings (usually I call them content warnings) to warn you to stay away from certain topics that might be difficult for you to address.
• Sexual Violence: any sexual act that is committed without consent is sexual violence. I use the term “Sexual Violence" instead of Rape/Sexual-Assault/Abuse in many of my posts not euphemistically to diminish the experience but rather to respect survivors who might be triggered by certain language. If the word is present in an organization's name (for example RAINN), book, or quote, obviously I will use it as it appears!
• Rape vs. Sexual Assault: The big difference here is that rape refers to non-consensual penetration (whether vaginal, anal, or oral) and sexual assault refers to any unwanted and non-consensual touching. There is not one type of sexual violence that is “worse”, everyone reacts differently to trauma and it’s ok to process things at your own speed. You’re entitled to your feelings and no one gets to determine what your journey to recovery looks like. If you’re dealing with issues of sexual assault or rape please reach out for help at RAINN.org
• Sexual Harassment: is any unwanted or non-consensual sexual remarks or advances. All forms for sexual harassment is sexual violence and should be taken seriously. You’re entitled to live in a world where you feel safe to exist free from harassment. If you’re dealing with issues of sexual harassment please reach out for help at RAINN.org
• Victim-Blaming: when the victim of a crime (most often sexual violence) is blamed for having some responsibility in the their abuse. One example is when sexual assault survivors are asked what they were wearing implying that their way of dressing somehow makes them complicit (it does not! This is utter bullshit!)
• Gaslighting: a form of emotional abuse where psychological manipulation is used to discredit and make someone question their own thoughts, feelings, and memories
• Trauma: is the psychological damage that happens after a deeply distressing experience. The effects of trauma manifests slightly differently in different people and everyone’s road to recovery is different. You can take all the time you need to heal. If you are dealing with difficult issues please check out our resource page to find people who can help.
• Trauma Informed Language: means using language that is mindful of other people’s trauma. Provided content warnings for potentially difficult subjects is a good way to respect people who are dealing with trauma.
• Date Rape / Acquaintance Rape: Sexual acts committed without consent by someone you know
• Marital Rape / Spousal Rape: Sexual acts committed without consent within a marriage. Marital rape wasn’t recognized in all of the US until 1993. This is still a topic that isn’t talked about very much but is a serious form of abuse
• Statutory Rape: Sexual acts committed with an underaged person who by definition cannot give consent
• Grooming: is the process of approaching a minor and forming emotional connections with the purpose of coercing the minor into sexual activity
• Stalking: a working understanding of stalking is any pattern of unwanted behavior that would lead you to be fearful. Stalking can happen in person or online (cyberstalking) and is a real and scary experience. If you’re dealing with issues of stalking please reach out for help at victimsofcrime.org
• Revenge Porn: when sexually explicit photos or videos are posted online to “get back” at the person. This is 100% wrong and illegal.
• Unsolicited Dick Pics: when someone sends a picture of their genitals without receiving consent. This is a form of sexual violence and should be reported.