Bra-Free & Non-Binary

I'm cautious of singular narratives; especially ones that assume all people of a shared identity group have the same experiences. I also want to preface that talking about gender is really complicated because it’s both an individual experience and a collective construct. Some people, I have no doubt, will align with what I say while others will disagree, that’s all fine. When it comes to queerness, we often like to create experience check-lists. This can help us feel valid when our experiences match, but can also leave us feeling isolated when they don't. One of the singular narratives that I'd like to challenge is that all AFAB trans folks hate their boobs and as a result bind or get top surgery. While I know plenty of folks who do align with that experience, and it's absolutely a valid one, chest dysphoria is certainly not unanimous. I'm far more interested in the variety of experiences and helping everyone find solutions that support them as individuals. So today, I want to talk about an alternative to binding and top surgery that I rarely (if ever) see discussed in the community: not wearing bras.

It seems like a no-brainer that some gender non-conforming folks would prefer not wearing bras; after-all I'm one of them. But for whatever reason I almost never hear the trans non-binary community mention being bra-less as a way to affirm or express gender identity. When I googled the topic I only found one article, from 2018 by Rachel Charlene Lewis titled "Wearing a Bra Feels at Odds With My Queerness," published on Self.com. But the article describes a different experience than the one I'm trying to pinpoint. Rachel explains that being bra-less is aligned with The L Word's lesbian aesthetic (her words, not mine) and a way to signal to others she's queer. Fair! But I want to focus on something slightly different: I'm not a woman and as such, I don't feel like bras apply to me.  

Obviously, I'm not the first person to suggest that it's ok to be bra-free. Anyone should be able to choose to go bra-less regardless of their gender. I stand with feminists who seek to advance gender equality and allow women, and anyone of any gender, the freedom to wear whatever the fuck they want. At the same time, there's just too much cultural bullshit around bras to unpack in this article, so I'll quickly summarize what's been said many times before. First, it's ridiculous to force bras on women; and as I keep saying, regardless of gender, no one should be forced to wear a piece of clothing they don't want. Second, we absolutely need to abolish the nonsensical patriarchal dichotomy of sexualization and modesty.  And it should go without saying that clothes don't inherently have a gender; there's no reason to uphold those norms. Similarly, boys should be allowed to wear bras if that feels good and affirms their gender expression! Unfortunately, we live in a world where gender norms are still largely enforced and adhered to; it's still standard for women to wear bras, it's still considered unusual for men to wear bras. I can't change that fact. Which brings me back to my original statement: I am not a woman and I don't feel like bras apply to me.

My chest, is not a female chest, because I'm not. If the majority of our society still believes that women wear bras, and men don't, where does that leave my genderqueer titties? Not giving a single shit about being stuffed into obligatory padding, that’s where. More to the point, my boobs are free-range because they feel best that way. 

To be honest, I didn't realize how much better I felt without a bra until the pandemic. When I wasn't going out during lockdown, I stopped wearing them and I never wanted to go back. I had never considered being bra-less a viable option until I wasn't under the constant gaze of society. But within the isolated confines of my home, I didn't feel pressure to conform to any standards, much less uncomfortable ones. I was able to give myself permission to buck this gendered clothing convention, and realized it helped me feel far more comfortable in my body.

At the same time that I was having this revelation, my non-binary Qupee (queer platonic partner), was undergoing top surgery to affirm their gender identity. Of course, we talked about boobs a lot! My Qupee knew definitively that they wanted a flat chest. I saw a radical transformation in their feelings towards their chest after undergoing the procedure. They felt like themselves, confident, hot, happy. It made me ecstatic that they were feeling great about a body part that had been a tremendous source of discomfort and dysphoria. Naturally, I considered whether top surgery was the route I wanted to go. For me, the answer was no. It wasn't an easy answer. When I was younger, I experienced a lot pain relating to my boobs, I wanted nothing more than to have reduction surgery. But the more I considered my options, the more I realized my issue was less with my physical body and more around clothing. I felt constricted and uncomfortable in a bra. I wanted smaller boobs so I didn't feel the need to wear a bra. Up until that point, I had only seen women with small boobs pull off the no-bra look. My D cups didn't exactly fit the bill. But then I had an epiphany...

It actually didn't matter the size of my chest, it only mattered if I chose to conform to the media that told me I needed small boobs to go bra-less. Basically, I could do whatever the fuck I wanted! I will say, that it definitely took some time for my body to physically get used to no wearing a bra. Again, my boobs are pretty big, so at first my chest would ache at the end of the day from gravity. Not wearing a bra when I was hiking was especially uncomfortable, but over time, my body got used to it. Without the support of a bra, my chest started to build up some muscle and it eased the pain I had experienced. Most importantly, I felt better emotionally and psychologically. I didn't feel restricted by feminine gender norms. I felt queer. I felt non-binary. I felt aligned with who I was comfortable being. And now it's hard imagining going back to wearing a bra. When I put on a bra to go swimming, my ribs feel constricted. I'm at the point of no return.

Unfortunately, we are constricted by reality. I can't legally be topless in a lot of spaces because there are still laws prohibiting AFABS from exposing their chest. I have to wear aa top when I'm swimming in most places. At least until our culture makes some significant changes to the way it understands gender and it views nudity. There are also some annoyances that I can't avoid - I don't love getting ogled by mostly men (though there are certainly a fair share of Karens) in public, but I guess that happens regardless of what you do if you exist in a queer body. I have also learned to let their stares wash pass me. THEIR problem, not mine. If people are offended by the outline of my nipple through my shirt, they can look away. My comfort is more important than the opinion of uptight strangers. I have found what works for me, I feel happier and freer. That has always been the goal. Anyways,  I'm curious to know what made you choose to wear a bra or to give it up or something completely different!  

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