Chem Sex 101
I've always been the stoner girlfriend in my relationships. I use weed daily, tend lovingly to my outdoor cannabis plants, and most of all I love fucking while high. Yet, most of my partners have been on a spectrum between cannabis-indifferent to cannabis-averse when we first start dating. Regardless, a few months into our relationship, my partners turn into avid cannabis users. Together, we discover the abundant pleasures of cannabis-infused intimacy. I'm very clear about not pushing anyone into using substances, but I offer a safe container when my partners inevitably express interest. I strongly believe that proper education can allow people to form healthy relationships with substances. I especially hold this belief in regards to chemsex. So, I'll break down the process I go through with partners as they learn how to have fantastic sex while high!
Chemsex, for those who are unfamiliar, is the practice of using specific drugs to enhance intimate experiences. While chemsex tends to be associated with injectables, or poppers if you're queer, there are a host of different drugs people use during sex. Due to our negative cultural attitude around drugs, there's often a stigma around chemsex; but it's important to note that a large portion of the population engages in chemsex using alcohol. Needless to say, every drug comes with its specific benefits and risks, some requiring higher levels of precautions than others. Cannabis offers a great entry into chemsex since it has the lowest risk and is currently legal in 19 states. And while overdose and blackout are not risks associated with cannabis, all substance use, including weed, must be done responsibly and with informed consent from all parties involved. While we'll only focus on cannabis, most of the concepts I cover apply to any substance and intimacy.
Why?
The first step is understanding your motivation for using cannabis. Are you looking for pain relief? Are you seeking novelty? Are you hoping to reduce inhibition? Do you want to increase sensation? Are you simply curious?
We all have different motivations for practicing chemsex. Understanding what you want will help determine the type of cannabis to use and guide your experience. It's also useful to know why your pals are using weed. Here are a few starting recommendations.
Pain relief - There's increasing research that shows a promising link between CBD and pain management. As a result, you can find CBD infused lubes that reduce vaginal pain. Topicals, unlike other consumption methods, are non-psychoactive. This is a great option for folks who haven't used weed before or who have reservations about feeling high. I personally like Foria's line of products. They also offer hemp-based CBD products for folks who don't live in legalized areas of the country.
Reduced Inhibition - Using a vape can give you a clean hit with a quick activation time. You'll be able to control how high you want to get, and increase as you feel necessary. Note that flower vapes are considerably less potent than concentrate vapes. I recommend starting with one small puff to see how it impacts your mental state and slowly increasing the dosage from there.
Novelty - Edibles are notoriously unpredictable because the absorption rate and time are largely impacted by your size, the amount of food you've had, as well as a variety of other factors. If you're looking for something new and exciting, pop a gummy, or better yet, make your own infused chocolate-dipped strawberries! You can make budder from scratch or buy concentrates that are easy and discrete to use.
Sensation - Spliffs are joints that traditionally mix cannabis and tobacco, however you can roll them with botanicals (such as lavender buds, rose petals, chamomile, etc.) instead of tobacco to produce sensation-enhancing effects. For example, linalool is a terpene (aromatic compound) found in both lavender and certain strains of cannabis which has a relaxing and anti-depressant property.
What?
Picking a strain
While avid cannabis users will debate the accuracy of strains and phenotypes, it's useful to understand that most dispensaries sort their products into sativa, indica, and hybrids. When it comes to sex, sativa tends to be uplifting and energetic, which is great if you're going for long sessions, however, they have a larger risk of tipping into overly buzzy paranoia. Indica tends to be mellow and relaxing, which is great if you often get nervous or ruminate during sex, however they have a risk of leaving you couch-locked. Hybrids refer to plants that contain both sativa and indica properties, generally offering a more balanced high. So a safe bet is to aim for a hybrid strain to give you the best of both worlds. You can also explore 1:1 or 2:1 which refers to the ratio of THC (psychoactive) and CBD (non-psychoactive) compounds found in the strain. Blue Dream is one of the most popular and affordable hybrids for people dabbling in cannabis for the first time. Pennywise is a CBD-heavy strain that you absolutely won't get too high using.
Deciding on sex acts
As far as what you want to do sexually with your pals, it's really up to you. If you're trying chemsex for the first time, my recommendation is to stick to your usual sexual routine. This means it's not ideal to introduce new toys, try physically strenuous acrobatics, or have group sex for the first time. Stick to what you know, you can always try new acts the more you get familiar with how your body reacts to cannabis during sex. I also want to caution you against BDSM, unless you're very experienced with chemsex. Some folks find that they become extra sensitive while high, making their normal limits unbearable; while others feel numb, leading them to push beyond their safety limits. Plus, any risk for injury dramatically increases when folks are in altered states of mind, and regular safety protocols can be difficult to follow.
Consent - Who/ Where/ When?
One of the major risk factors of chemsex is that any psychoactive or perception-altering substance can impact our ability to consent. Everyone must be in ongoing agreement in order for chemsex to be consensual and safe. For this reason, it's important to establish three levels of consent.
First, make a plan while everyone is sober. A concrete scene negotiation requires everyone to answer the following questions: Who will be engaging in intimacy? What sexual acts will everyone be engaged in? What safer sex practices will be used? What substances and how much will each person be consuming? Where will this experience take place? When and for how long will y'all be intimate?
Second, make a trigger plan while everyone is sober. A trigger plan establishes a protocol if problems relating to substances or sex arise during the experience. Answer the following questions: are there any sexual acts that are completely off limits? What physical cues should everyone be watching for if you're sexually triggered or too high? What safe word will be used to communicate that intimacy must stop? What does each person need if they get too high? For substances with overdose risk - who will administer emergency protocols, including aiding someone getting to a hospital?
Third, ongoing explicit verbal consent check-ins while everyone is high. I always recommend taking periodic water breaks, to give everyone the opportunity to check in with themselves and their pals. It can be easy to miss or misinterpret non-verbal signals when you're high, so make sure you're directly asking each other if everyone wants to continue, if they feel good, or if something needs to change or stop.
Troubleshooting!
If you're not a daily cannabis user, a lot of troubleshooting solutions can escape you. So let's go over a few important tips to ensure you have a good time!
Problem: Too high
THC is the psychoactive ingredient in cannabis. If you're visiting a dispensary, products will indicate the percentage you can expect. Unfortunately for novice users, the cannabis market has been pushing for higher and higher concentrations of THC, meaning you can easily (and cheaply) find flower strains that contain over 20%. As I mentioned, you cannot overdose from cannabis, but that doesn't mean that being too high isn't an issue.
Solution:
Pay attention to activation time! Everyone has a story about eating an edible, not feeling anything, eating more, and suddenly getting couch-locked. Different methods have different activation times. Smoking can take up to 15-minutes to kick in, while edibles can take several hours.
Keep a CBD vape on hand. CBD is a non-psychoactive cannabinoid found in cannabis, and it mellows out the impact of THC. The caveat is that you'll feel high for longer, but it won't be as intense.
Cuddle or take a nap. It sucks when you can't have sex because you accidentally misjudged dosing, but if you aren't feeling good, your best bet is to lay down, close your eyes, and breathe. Let your pals know that you need to stop, cuddling can be a good way to maintain intimacy while waiting for your high to balance.
Problem: Too dry
Cannabis is notorious for giving you cotton mouth... and cotton cunt. The feeling of dehydration can make sex, which requires a lot of lubrication, uncomfortable or even painful.
Solution:
Drink water!! This is obvious, but when you're setting the scene, make sure everyone has a full glass of water nearby. And take frequent breaks. There's no point in pushing through thirst. As I mentioned above, water breaks are also a great way to have explicit verbal consent check-ins.
Use lube. Honestly, lube always makes sex feel better, but it's especially crucial when you're high. You can even use an infused lube if you want to stay consistent
Juicy snacks. Along with cotton mouth, lots of strains give you the munchies. If you're having sex, you probably don't want to feel bloated from snacking on junk foods. Surprisingly, frozen grapes or blueberries tend to be a fan favorite!
Cannabis is a great substance to use during sex since it has relatively low risks and tons of benefits for users. There are loads of ways to experiment, so if you find something that doesn't work for you, don't get discouraged! As with any new sexual experience, I always recommend an additive process: start with what you know, add one new element, see how you feel, then add more as you go! Happy high, and good luck.
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