Dynamic Play?
What’s Dynamic Play? The latest Shrimp Teeth Activity Sheet goes into details about how to incorporate dynamic play in your sex life… but first let’s talk about what it is and how it can be used to enhance your sex life!
First, a story from when I was a teen: My early experiences dipping my toes into *BDSocksM* feel hilariously cliché now. I’ll paint the picture for you: I was about seventeen, and my FWB at the time told me he liked it “rough”. I didn’t exactly know what that meant but I must have had some idea that originated from PornHub circa 2010. I’m cringing. Either way, at some point, he spanked me clumsily twice somewhere on the hip. It didn’t exactly hurt, but it didn’t feel good by any stretch of the imagination. I was mostly underwhelmed. I didn’t really understand what wasn’t working, I just thought I would be more into it…
After those initial trials, I continued increasing the pain intensity. Certain sensations felt good, others not, but regardless I was still left with the feeling of being underwhelmed. I thought (aside from baby boy’s complete lack of skill) it wasn’t working because I needed something harder. But that didn’t prove to be quite right. It wasn’t until way later that I realized what I wanted wasn’t necessarily intense pain (though I can surely appreciate my fair share) but the thrill that comes from power exchanges. Around the same time I was realizing I was not into boys, I also came to the realization I was craving more complex forms of *socks* rather than more painful types of *socks*. I wanted to have more psychologically and emotionally fulfilling sex. I wanted to have more variety in *socks*. And I wanted to behave in ways that would otherwise have been inappropriate outside the bedroom but that were thrilling during *socks*. That’s when I started becoming interested in dynamic play.
“Dynamic play” might be a new term for y’all because nothing else quite seems to describe what I’m talking about adequetly. Dynamic play is some mix between “kink lite” and “*BDSocksM* adjacent.” I mean, it borrows most concepts from established *BDSocksM* practices but it doesn’t depend on the type of practice or act and can be applied just as easily to vanilla *socks*. Dynamic play is all about deliberately manipulating the emotional and psychological gratification you can experience during *socks*. Dynamic play is not exactly the same as stereotypical role play which is more based on playing superficial roles like a hot maid. Dynamic play is more of a mental role rather than a caricature and focuses on real need fulfillment through deliberate power exchanges. Stereotypical role play can be fun if dressing up as a fireman is your jam. No judgment. By contrast, dynamic play seeks to add a level of complexity by altering the way you relate to your pal. You can, for example, fulfill the real need of exerting control by taking on a psychological role that’s dominant. That can look like telling your pal what to do regardless of whether that’s a vanilla act or something hardcore.
Dynamic play constructs a framework for deliberately defining power dynamics when having *socks* and creating mental roles for each person to play so that a *social* needs can be met. It makes *socks* psychologically and emotionally satisfying rather than only physically. I find dynamic play makes it easier to share with my pals what I want in bed no matter what *sock* acts they’re into. Dynamic play explains to the person I’m having *socks* with the actual needs I want to be fulfilled by creating realistic roles and scenes that they can perform authentically.
It can be hard to define exactly what you’re “into”. In my case, the more I’m emotionally attached to my pals, the harder it is for me to ask them directly for what I want. I get shy and focus more on pleasing them rather than asserting my needs, especially if it means doing things differently. Sometimes I just default to answering “whatever”, and passing up on the opportunity to communicate exactly what I desire. It leaves my pals guessing and me not entirely satisfied. *Socks* can get repetitive and boring in long-term relationships too as a result. My pal and I often default to the same safer scripts that we know we both like rather than trying new things or communicating more about our needs. Dynamic play luckily helps do the following three things:
Define what psychological needs we want met through *socks*
Communicate to each other what those needs are
Create scripts for how to interact during *socks* to get needs met
Allow *sockual* exploration in a safe way
Make *socks* feel varied and interesting with lots of different scripts
It’s easiest if I give y’all a concrete example. Sometimes I want Honey Bunch to fuck me sweetly and want to feel connected and intimate. Other times, I need *socks* to be just pure silly fun. Sometimes I want to be bossy with her in ways that would be completely inappropriate in our real relationship. Dynamic play gives us the opportunity to define certain types of roles that we both enjoy playing based on the type of *socks* we want to have. For example, if I want to blow off some steam after a long day of work, it can be fun to be bratty and disobedient. Dynamic play describes to my pals how they should treat me and what the script (or game) is in order for me to get bratty satisfaction from *socks* together. I can tell her exactly which kind of role I want to play and then there’s less confusion. She will know, for example, to treat me naughtily rather than sweetly. Not only do these characters help us know what each other expects, it gives us a larger variety of games to play.
*Socks* can be incredibly life-enhancing when time is put into developing it with pals. I think the greatest myth is that *socks* is just great without any effort. I think like all skills, the more effort you put into it the better it gets. I used to think that satisfaction from *socks* came from having lots of different pals. What I learned was that spending time developing how my pals and I have *socks* allows us to get to know different facets of each other and intensify our intimate connection. This deepens our understanding of each other while also keeping things fresh so we aren’t always doing the same thing. Dynamic play can also help us work out certain weird patterns of behavior in our actual relationship in ways that are healthier and contained within the boundaries of our bedroom. For example, I have a tendency to be resistant which can inflame conflict in our relationship dynamic. But this same energy can be channeled during *socks* to allow us to explore those taboos in non-destructive ways. When we play roles, we can experience actual emotional and psychological gratification. But when the game is over so we haven’t hurt our relationship. There’s a big difference between being disciplined in bed vs in real life. In one it’s hot while the other it’s weird and likely maladaptive.
This way of approaching sex takes a lot more deliberate consideration, boundary negotiation, and communication with your pals. It’s not always easy so I recommend you start small and work your way up. You don’t have to start off with the most complex roles and games. We learn best together by setting up small games we can learn together and can “succeed” at before moving on to harder ones. Like polyam, dynamic play is more challenging than standardly scripted *socks* because it requires us to think about the ways we relate to each other and discover what works and doesn’t beyond the acceptable. It can also be tremendously gratifying and provide a larger space for erotic play. If you’re as obsessed with *socks* as I am, most likely you’ll find the challenge appealing. You can check out the ACTIVITY SHEET to get specific instructions on how to develop and implement dynamic play into your relationship.
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